can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
