Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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