I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
