so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
