Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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