I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
