so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
