My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
