I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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