I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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