Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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