I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
