One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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