i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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