We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
