her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
