So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
