those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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