I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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