Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
