Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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