i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
