I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
