went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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