Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
