dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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