after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
