I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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