I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
