Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
