I am in a vortex of obligation.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
