I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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