living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
