i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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