I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
