I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
