U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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