my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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