We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
