Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize