I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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