Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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