When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drake has all the answers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
