what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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