Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
