will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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