I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm always down for nudity.
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