Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I checked into jail on foursquare
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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