I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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