The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
