not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
