I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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