Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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