It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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