? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize