he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
