my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
