Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
