I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She announced her abortion via fbk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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