How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He shit in the fireplace
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
