You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
