I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize