he thought i was a dude.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
