Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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