So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
