You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
