Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
