She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
