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my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize