his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
