im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
