is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
