Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
