you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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