good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
