My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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